Gentle Reminder
Johnny Depp called me from France last night and asked what I knew about Osama bin Laden.
"Nothing," I said. "Nothing at all. He is a ghost, for all I know. Why do you ask?"
"Because I am terrified of him," he said. "All of France is terrified. I was in the American Embassy today when they caught some terrorists trying to blow it up. I freaked out and rushed to the airport, but when I got there my flight was cancelled. All flights to the U.S. were canceled. People went crazy with fear."
"Join the club," I told him. "Almost everybody went crazy over here."
"Never mind that," he said. "Who won the Jets-Colts game?"
"There was no game," I said. "All sport was canceled in this country — even Monday Night Football."
"No!" he said. "That’s impossible! I’ve never known a Monday night without a game on TV. What’s the stock market doing?"
"Nothing yet," I said. "It’s been closed for six days."
"Ye gods," he muttered. "No stock market, no football — this is Serious."
Just then I heard the lock on my gas tank rattling, so I rushed outside with the shotgun and fired both barrels into the darkness. Poachers! I thought. Blow their heads off! This is War! I fired another blast in the general direction of the gas pump, then went inside to reload.
"Why are you shooting?" Anita screamed at me. "What are you shooting at?"
"The enemy," I said gruffly….
…Indeed. but the New York Stock Exchange opens in thirteen minutes, so I have to get a grip on somthing solid. The Other Shoe is about to drop, and it may be extremely heavy. The time has come to be strong. The fat is in the fire. Who knows what will happen now?
Not me, buster. That’s why I live out here in the mountains with a flag on my porch and loud Wagner music blaring out of my speakers. I feel lucky and have plenty of ammunition. That is God’s will, they say, and that is also why I shoot into the darkness at anything that moves."
— Hunter S. Thompson, Hey Rube (2001)
So, here I am, on my way home soon, and realized I need to address one specific blog reader today. The loads of anti-Hillary emails are fine. I can’t possibly reply to them all, but I do try to read all that come in. But Mr. Violent, you know who you are, should know that threats and photos of your guns and ammunition do not intimidate me one bit. These macho, idiotic, and may I add, ILLEGAL threats to me have been sent to the proper authorities and security has been beefed up. Reminder to any other kooks out there that Owl Farm is still fortified, and Hunter taught me to use more than just the microwave.
There are many right-wing, macho, non-"vegetarian" blogs out there. I suggest you read those instead. I will continue to write in my own personal voice. So kindly, Back Off.
Sincerely,
Anita Thompson
P.S. as for rest of the emails, yes I do plan to support Hillary from Owl Farm specifically, IF IF IF she wins the nomination. But yes, it’s an uphill battle and yes, I forgot to mention Pennsylvania. For those of you who want to make phone calls for her in the next 24 hours, you can sign up here.
