Will New Mayor Flee to Canada?
I logged on line to see if anybody could give me some info as to who won the Aspen mayoral runnoff election today — since I live way out in the country, I can’t vote in their mayoral race. I would have liked to because city council has gone out of its way to destroy aspen with rich developers scaping and building wherever the hell they feel like, at any time they feel like, and the locals be damded. but, instead, I found an email from a friend Kat, who send me this “Canada’s Recent Immigration Concerns”
And I thought “Why not post the thing” b/c I’m leaving back for manhattan in a few hours and won’t be able to check in until tomorrow or thurs.
so, if you hear about the mayoral race in aspen results tonight please email. if not, I can just read the results at www.aspendailynews.com. Yes indeed. I hope I see Mick and Torre having a nice debate here at Owl Farm in the next few weeks. they’ve been invided to debate here in the Owl Farm kitchen over wine and whiskey if necessary and grassroots television and the local papers. We shall see. they are both very good people. One far more experienced than the other. Soon come
CANADAS RECENT IMIGRATION CONCERNS:
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into
Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for
increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
The unflinching arrogance of the Bush Administration is
prompting the exodus among liberal citizens who fear they’ll
soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O’Reilly
>
Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of
sociology professors, animal-rights activists, and Unitarians
crossing their fields at night. “I went out to milk the cows
the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in
the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage
borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and
hungry. “He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-
range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left. Didn’t
even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
>
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected
higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried
installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the
fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still
got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn’t
give milk”
>
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station
wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for
themselves. “A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged
conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one
carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice
little Napa Valley cabernet, though.”
>
When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border,
often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from
conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush
administration establishing re-education camps in which
liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
>
liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus
trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching
a half- dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian
immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the
supposed senior- citizen passengers. “If they can’t identify
the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get
suspicious about their age,” an official said.
>
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants
are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the
good Susan Sarandon movies. “I feel sorry for American
liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an
Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one
country need?”
>
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and
Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian
ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps
to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. “We’re
going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might
but some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is
determined to reach out.”
>
And why not.
>>
Until next time, your friend,
Anita Thompson
